I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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