so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
