Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
...so i touched it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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