i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
