i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
