Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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