all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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