we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
