You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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