I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
