great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
