At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
