oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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