I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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