I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
