after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
