He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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