So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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