I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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