remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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