New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
