We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
