There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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