Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
