you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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