i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
