I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize