remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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