oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
