And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
