I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
