Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
