i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
