you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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