i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
