i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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