Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
