I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
