people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm getting married
To pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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