too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We are two peas in an std pod
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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