I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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