Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My vagina just recognized that song.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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