They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
