Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
