My room smells like vodka and shame
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
