thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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