i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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