I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
two words: eviction party
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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