he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
