you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I could fuck to npr.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
