PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
