How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
