Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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