Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
