So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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