I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
