She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
