Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
