I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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