See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
