Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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