Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
