my vag is so smooth its legendary
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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