I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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