You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
