The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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