DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
