My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
